Self-Confidence: Fake It Till You Make It?

Self-confidence may be innate in some, but for the rest of us, it’s a challenge.  We think that someone who is always humorous and cheerful is self-assured.  When someone is decisive or stays calm in rough situations, we see it as self-confidence.  People who try new things and live their life with passion are the ones we envy for a great deal of self-confidence.

To be confident is a lot easier said than done.  Even the most positive person you know has one of those days when bad thoughts are difficult to shake off.  Meanwhile, social media usage makes us even more insecure and isolated.

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The journey to building self-confidence is not easy.  Some people find the concept of “fake it ’till you make it” useful, but there are ways that can help us develop actual confidence.  If we use this approach in our everyday life, we are likely to give off a more feel-good vibe.  The happier our aura is, the more people are drawn to us.  And the more respect and admiration we get, the more confident we become.

Accomplish an easy task

Isn’t it rewarding when we accomplish something? Completing a task, big or small, boosts our self-esteem.  Isn’t it satisfying to bake an easy chocolate cake, for example, even when there’s no special occasion? Or declutter our closet of old and unused clothes? These things may count as small wins but the more we make them, the more motivated we become to achieve something bigger.

Make time for yourself 

Nowadays, we juggle so many tasks that we often take ourselves for granted.  We all deserve a couple of hours a day to refresh our minds and energy.  Taking a quick break from mommy duties may be difficult but not impossible.  Block off an hour to pamper your body.  Spend an extra 20 minutes in a warm shower or bath when you lather up that lavender-scented body wash on your skin.  When you feel good, you look good and vice-versa.

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Get a good night’s sleep

No matter the excuse, we can always achieve a night of better sleep if we plan it.  Avoiding late-night television and digital distraction help create a healthy sleep.  The light from your cellphone, TV, and tablet may make it difficult for you to fall asleep.  Go to sleep and get up at the same time each day, even on weekends.  This will give you a better quality of sleep in the long term.  Whether old or older, we all need about the same amount of sleep as adults — 7 to 9 hours each night.

Do things that make you happy

Thanks to coronavirus lockdowns, more people have turned to indoor gardening.  And it’s never too late to practice your green thumb on your patio or balcony.  Not into gardening? Then maybe home baking is for you.  There are tons of recipes on the internet that you can make at home.  Interest in DIY baking has been on the rise as well since the start of the pandemic.  Some even made a business out of it, amid company closures and retrenchments.

Control your mind

Our mind deceives us so we can’t let it control us.  Most of us, women, tend to create problems in our heads.  Mental stress can give us insomnia and nightmares.  Constant negative thinking can make us less productive.  It can make us lose our focus and keep us from making the right decisions.

So distract yourself from negative thoughts; don’t linger on them.  When a negative idea creeps in, challenge it…or even better, crush it.  Relaxation techniques like deep abdominal breathing or meditation can help calm you down when feeling stressed out.

Choose the right people

Besides the right mindset and the right diet, we also need the right people.

Surround yourself with trustworthy and reliable people who genuinely care for you.  These are the people who will tell you not what you want to hear but what you need to know.  Find people who respect your boundaries and whom you can be natural around.

Avoid toxic and negative people and those who gossip.  If they talk about people with you, they’ll talk about you as well.  Walk away from people who constantly put you down, they will squash the self-confidence that you’re trying to build.

Photo by Katarzyna Grabowska on Unsplash

Pay it forward

Doing a good deed gives gratification and happiness instantly.  Whether it’s as basic as opening a door for an elderly person or offering the cab driver a candy bar.  You can also help someone get through a painful struggle.  Sometimes, people just need someone to listen to them.  Making someone feel a little better will also make you feel a boost of energy. At some point, you have had your support from other people, and when it’s your turn, pay it forward.

Do the things you fear or want to try

Is there something that you’ve always been afraid to do? Or a skill that you want to learn but had been on the back burner for some time?  Learning a new skill or hobby will give you a sense of accomplishment.  It will motivate you to keep learning and creating.  Sometimes when we decide to do things that we fear, we become more confident.  So take those swimming lessons and impress your friends on the next beach vacation.  Wear that bareback dress you’ve stashed in the closet for over a year.  Run to the nearest salon and rock those blonde highlights, even if your best friend disapproves.  Face your fear often and see your self-confidence come about.

Appreciate YOU

Sometimes, we tend to appreciate everyone but ourselves.  When we look in the mirror, we look for flaws instead of beauty and strength.  Instead of criticizing ourselves, we should accept what we are at the moment.  We should be thankful for what we have, imperfections and shortcomings included.  There is beauty and goodness in everyone, each unique from the rest.  What sets you apart from others is what makes you who you are, embrace it!

Stop comparing yourself to others for it only steals joy.  If you see someone winning in life, be happy for her and wait your turn.  Have patience — things that are meant for you don’t need to be rushed.



  1. Making time for me, therapy, and acts of kindness are big ones for me. Thanks for all these great ideas!

    1. You’re welcome, glad you like them!

  2. I used to think faking confidence wouldn’t work but there are definitely some elements of it that do really pay off. I love the ideas you’ve listed here that will boost and nurture this aspect of ourselves — fab post!

  3. Powerful reminder and great tips. Self-confidence is a struggle and I have found out accidentally a few times that people I admired and believed to be very confident – were faking it real hard and worried even more than me about their performances. I think we all need to just do our best and try to care less what others think of us because most likely they are just wondering what we think of them.

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